Old star signs will be replaced with these new ones. Find your new sign on the list.
Aries - time travel paradox
Taurus - faint smell that vaguely reminds you of something
Gemini - stepped on Dorito
Cancer - the entire population of Switzerland
Leo - Hamlet
Virgo - pterodactyl
Libra - suspicious onlooker
Scorpio - whatever Yoda’s species is
Sagittarius - goose that shoots laser from its eyes
Capricorn - Steve Buscemi
Aquarius - spam bot
Pisces - goat? i think that’s a goat
I HATE THE STRINGS ON BANANAS WHY ARE THEY THERE TAKE THEM AWAY OBAMA
TALKING TO PEOPLE
PLAYED KINGDOM HEARTS
SAW HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 2
ORDERED PIZZA OVER THE PHONE
- baby: h-h-he
- mom: hello? are you trying to say hello?
- baby: h-hOW DO YOU DO MY NAME'S GAVROCHE THESE ARE MY PEOPLE HERES MY PATCH NOT MUCH TO LOOK AT NOTHING POSH NOTHING THAT YOU'D CALL UP TO SCRATCH THIS IS MY SCHOOL MY HIGH SOCIETY HERE IN THE SLUMS OF SAINT MICHELE WE LIVE ON CRUMBS OF HUMBLE PIETY TOUGH ON THE TEETH BUT WHAT THE HELL THINK YOU'RE POOR THINK YOU'RE FREE FOLLOW ME F O L L O W M E
Back when I was in charge of hiring for GameStop, a guy came in, handed me his application, and ‘accidentally’ let a sonic screwdriver fall out of his sleeve. “Now that you know I’m a time lord, I guess you’ll haaaaave to interview me,” he laughed alone, and that’s why I refuse to watch Doctor Who.